Finding our Middle – 40 Days with Anna

Day 4 – Saturday after Ash Wednesday

To Read:

This little thing had the most splendid, the most beautiful, copper-coloured hair imaginable, and a face to match.  No painted cherub on some church ceiling was this child, but a smiling, giggling, squirming, real live child, her face alight with some inner radiance, her eyes like two blue searchlights.

Earlier in the evening I had said ‘Yes’ to her question, ‘You love me, don’t you?’ because I was unable to say ‘No’.  Now I was glad that I had been unable to say ‘No’, for the answer was ‘Yes.’

‘Yes. Yes.’  How could anyone fail to love this little thing?

Mum gave a bit of a grunt and her usual ‘Well, we had better get to bed or we won’t be worth anything tomorrow.’  And so I picked up Anna and took her along to her bed.  The bedclothes were already pulled back and I put her down and made as if to tuck her up, but this was all wrong.

I’ve been to church many times, and heard many prayers, but none like this.  I can’t remember much about her prayer except that it started off with ‘Dear Mister God, this is Anna talking’, and she went on in such a familiar way of talking to Mister God that I had the creepy feeling that if I dared look behind me he would be standing there.  I remember her saying, ‘Thank you for letting Fynn love me’, and I remember being kissed goodnight, but how I got to bed I don’t know.

From the Scriptures:

Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap, for the measure you give will be the measure you get back.  (Luke 6v38)

To Reflect:

Whenever I have managed to fight against my selfish self-serving instincts and, often reluctantly, listened to the words of The One Who Loves us Best and opened my hand so that whatever I have been greedily holding on to falls out of it I find it has been immediately replenished with the bounty of God.  It is a truism that only empty hands can be filled and if we are to receive blessings from God we need to give what we have.  If I have a motto to live by it is this:

Lesley-Anne and I learnt this early on in following our vocation to serve the People of God. We have always tried to tithe our income but sometimes, especially during our time at seminary, we found ourselves having to live on a tithe of our previous income.  During those times, and still to this day, we decided that the answer to not having enough to do all that we wanted to do was to give away some of the few goods or gold we hold.

This is the lesson Fynn learnt from she of the Copper-coloured hair and blue searchlight eyes.  Having given away his hot dog (which was splattered back in his face).  Having obeyed the command of ‘I’m going to live with you.’  Having been angered at the wounds and bruises found on her body and entranced by the beauty hiding beneath all her dirt.  He receives a gift he never expected.

What did he dream about that night?  How did he feel having been proclaimed to be an agent of God’s by a child who a few hours before was recoiling from him expecting to be chastised?

‘When you give what you’ve got, you’ll receive what you need.’

He, though his home was used to the comings and goings of a series of waifs and strays, both human and four legged, did not expect to receive this gift from someone whom he thought he was helping.

Again and again the words of the Gospel and the lives of the Saints remind us of the transforming power of giving ourselves away by giving away the things we hold onto.

We will always be ‘possessed by our possessions’.  We need to learn to only hold on to those things which make us to be people who are generous not so that we can receive in return but giving because we know we have already received far more than we deserve.

Please Note:  These reflections are also published on my blog: suffolkvicarhomes.com on Bluesky as @suffolkvicar.bsky.social, and on my public Facebook page  Suffolk Vicar – Rev Andrew Dotchin.  If you would like them as a daily email please send a request to revdotchin@gmail.com

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