Finding our Middle – 40 Days with Anna

Day 22 – Saturday after 3rd Sunday of Lent

To Read:

‘Never mind,’ I said, ‘I’ll write it down big for you.’  She wriggled herself out of my arms and stood on the pavement, her hands fiddling with the notebook and pencil, head bowed and with tears on her cheeks.  My mind raced around in circles.  A number of methods of approach jostled each other.  Just as I was about to ‘put it all right again’ that passing angel fetched me a crack on the skull again.  So I remained silent and waited.

She stood there in utter dejection.  I knew for certain, I told myself, knew for certain that she wanted to run to my arms, knew that she wanted comforting, but she just stood there wrestling inwardly.  Trams clanked on their way, people shopped, barrow-boys shouted their wares, and there we stood, me fighting against picking her up and she staring at some new picture painted on her mind.

At last she looked up and her eyes met mine.  It suddenly got cold, and I wanted to hit somebody.  I knew this look, I had seen it before in other people and it had happened to me more than once.  Like some monstrous iceberg appearing out of the fog the word formed, welling up from deep inside me, haloed with tears but none the less clear to see.  Anna was mourning.  All the doors of her eyes and heart stood wide open and that lonely cell of her inmost being stood plain to see. 

….Anna’s misery was for others.  They just could not see the beauty of that broken iron stump, the colours, the crystalline shapes;  they could not see the possibilities there.  Anna wanted them to join with her in this exciting new world but they could not imagine themselves to be so small that this jagged fracture could become a world of iron mountains, of iron plains with crystal trees.  It was a new world to explore, a world of the imagination, a world where few people would or could follow her.

In this broken-off stump was a whole new realm of possibilities to be explored and to be enjoyed.

To Reflect:

There is much joy to be found in Anna’s life and the way she looks sideways at the world and always looks up with awe and love at Mister God.  There are also times when she digs deep into her heart and comes to Fynn saying she is ‘full up’.  This has nothing to do with the amount of sausage rolls she has been eating but it has to do with having a heart so full of love for the wonderful world made by Mister God that she is heart broken when others can’t see the same thing.  (Remember Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s poem earlier in the week?).  

She has such a heart for Mister God that it literally overflows to others and when they don’t see the beauty she sees she weeps for them.  This is a different kind of faith.  This is a faith that refuses to be solitary and realises that it can only be complete when others also see how big an awesome Mister God is.  This is a faith that knows it cannot exist in a vacuum and must needs be told by sowing seeds, talking to stray pussies, dogs, pigeons and horses, and listening for their reply.  This is a faith that is saddened that not everyone’s ears are tuned to listen to, in Parry’s wonderful anthem, that;

Blest pair of Sirens, pledges of Heav’n’s joy,
Sphere-born harmonious sisters, Voice and Verse,

Nor does everyone perceive that they are

Dead things with inbreathed sense able to pierce;
And to our high-raised phantasy present
That undisturbed song of pure content,

And eventually as we look and listen with them we will sing

…before the sapphire-coloured throne
To Him that sits thereon,

There is nothing that will help others live the same love we have for Mister God than loving all of Mister God’s creation.  Even if that means stopping and looking at the wonder of broken things..

She pointed to a broken-off stump of an iron railing.  ‘I want somebody to write about that, but they don’t see it.’

We are to be the eyes and ears of those who ‘don’t see it’.   And the way we look and listen and wonder will help others learn how big is the love of Mister God.

To Do: 

2)  Sit back and listen to Parry’s anthem Blest Pair of Sirens.

 

Please Note:  These reflections are also published on my blog: suffolkvicarhomes.com on Bluesky as @suffolkvicar.bsky.social, and on my public Facebook page  Suffolk Vicar – Rev Andrew Dotchin.  If you would like them as a daily email please send a request to revdotchin@gmail.com

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