Finding our Middle – 40 Days with Anna

Day 39 – Good Friday

To Read:

It was a beautiful sunny day.  The street was full of kid noises.  Laughter drowned the sounds of marching feet, when suddenly the world fell to pieces.  One scream killed the laughter.  It was Jackie’s.  I turned around in time to catch her in my arms as she hurled herself at me.  Her face was a white mask of horror.

‘Fynn! Oh Christ! It’s Anna.  She’s dead!  She’s dead!’  Her scarlet finger-nails dug into my chest and the ice-cold water of fear flooded over me.  I ran down the street.  Anna was lying across the railings, her fingers clinging to the top of a wall.  I lifted her off and cradled her in my arms.  A flicker of pain narrowed her eyes.

For two days this feeling that it was going to be all right grew and took over my fears.  Her grin and her excited conversations about Mister God made me doubly sure.  The knots inside me were coming undone.  I was looking out of the window when she called me.

‘Tich,’ my voice was too loud, ‘Tich look at me!’  Her eyes flickered and her smile spread.  I hurried to the window and flung it up.  Cory was there.  ‘Get the doctor quickly’, I said.  She nodded, turned on her heels and ran.  Suddenly I knew what was going to happen.  I went back to Anna.  It wasn’t time for crying, it was never time for crying.  The cold dread in my heart had frozen the tears within me.  I held Anna’s hand.  My head pounded with the idea that whatever you shall ask in my name …’ I asked.  I pleaded.

To Reflect:

‘Fynn, I bet Mister God lets me get into heaven for this.’

It’s the age-old question isn’t it?  What must I do to get into heaven.  We find it in the words of wealthy young rulers and frightened jailers alike, ‘What must I do to inherit eternal life and be saved?’ (Luke 10v25-37, Acts 16v16-34)

Do I have to believe the right things?  Do I have to do the right things?

Anna, in her love for Princess the frightened baby kitten, seems to go down the path of believing that ‘doing’ the right thing will fling wide the gates of Paradise.

Fynn, in his logical mathematical way, goes down the path of ’believing’ the right thing (whatever you shall ask in my name …’ I asked.  I pleaded.) will ensure that your name is ticked off in the register studiously kept by St Peter.

But there is a third way.  Knowing that you are known for who you are and are yet still loved.

This is the path of the misnamed ‘penitent’ thief in Luke’s Gospel. (Luke 23v39-43)  ‘Misnamed’ because he wasn’t penitent, perhaps for the first time in a long time he was simply honest about who he was.  And admitting he deserved to die, wondered if ‘fessing up to who he was, God would spare a thought for him.  He knew he was a wrong ‘un.  He knew he was getting his just deserts.  He hoped that God would break the rules that God had given him and us to follow.  

‘Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise…… ‘

I guess that’s what it really means to ‘have Mister God in your middle’.  Knowing that all along, through right or wrong, we are known and loved and watched over and welcomed.

Such love, pure as the whitest snow
Such love, weeps for the shame I know
Such love, paying the debt I owe
O Jesus, such love

Such love, stilling my restlessness
Such love, filling my emptiness
Such love, showing me holiness
O Jesus, such love

Such love, springs from eternity
Such love, streaming through history
Such love, fountain of life to me
O Jesus, such love

To Pray: 

WHEN I SHALL DIE by ANNA

When I shall die,

I shall do it myself.

Nobody shall do it for me.

When I am ready,

I shall say,

Fynn, stand me up,

and I shall look

and laugh merry.

If I fall down,

I shall be dead.

 

Please Note:  These reflections are also published on my blog: suffolkvicarhomes.comon Bluesky as @suffolkvicar.bsky.social, and on my public Facebook page  Suffolk Vicar – Rev Andrew Dotchin.  If you would like them as a daily email please send a request to revdotchin@gmail.com

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