Resisting the Prowling Lion – 40 Days with Screwtape

Day 4 – Saturday after Ash Wednesday

To Read:

From The Screwtape Letters:

Screwtape, a senior demon, is offering advice to Wormwood his nephew, an apprentice demon.  The language he uses is ‘upside down’ referring to God as ‘the Enemy’ and the devil as ‘Our Father Below’.

MY DEAR WORMWOOD

In civilised life domestic hatred usually expresses itself by saying things which would appear quite harmless on paper (the words are not offensive) but in such a voice, or at such a moment, that they are not far short of a blow in the face.   To keep this game up you and Glubose (The ‘tempter’ of Wormwood’s patient’s mother) must see to it that each of these two fools has a sort of double standard.   Your patient must demand that all his own utterances are to be taken at their face value and judged simply on the actual words, while at the same time judging all his mother’s utterances with the fullest and most oversensitive interpretation of the tone and the context and the suspected intention.   She must be encouraged to do the same to him.   Hence from every quarrel they can both go away convinced, or very nearly convinced, that they are quite innocent.   You know the kind of thing: ‘I simply ask her what time dinner will be and she flies into a temper.’   Once this habit is well established you have the delightful situation of a human saying things with the express purpose of offending and yet having a grievance when offence is taken.

Your affectionate uncle


SCREWTAPE

To Reflect:

It has been said amongst the married that if you suspect that things are not going well in your relationship with your beloved, and, on asking the question, ‘Is anything wrong darling?’ you get the response, ‘nothing!’ one should immediately go out and buy twelve long stem roses and a large box of their favourite chocolates…

Timing, tone and timbre of voice often carry more meaning than the words themselves and wise people learn this lesson well.  It is all too easy to speak friendly words to someone and yet insult them at the same time.  When we do this, Screwtape reminds us, we make harmless words feel like a blow in the face. 

Of course this is a two-way street.  For ordinary words to hurt and harm those of us on the receiving end must be ready, and sometimes be even eager, to take offense.  I know that, to my shame, people, against whom I am prejudiced often have their work cut out in getting their real words across to my cloth ears.  I am so busy expecting to hear the ‘same old, same old’ from them that I only listen to the way things are said instead of the words that are spoken.

1 Corinthians 13 reminds us that ‘Love is not quick to take offense’, would that I were the same!  I would have hoped that, as I get older – which is sometimes called becoming mature – I would learn not to be so prejudiced in my expectations of those around me.  This is not always so and I, along with others who face the same challenge, find that instead of maturing with age I simply go rotten…

It is hard to receive offense from someone, especially someone close to you, and not bite back – but then the antidote for one sin never was committing one in response.  Will we ever learn that the antidote for attack is not counter-attack?  The solution for being sinned against (perceived or real) can never be to sin back but can only ever be the free-will offering of forgiveness and love.

To Do:

One of the best ways to counter this temptation is to learn the art of biting one’s tongue.  Different people have different ways of doing this but each of us needs to have a plan for the next time we are tempted to take offense.

Here are some strategies for the times when you feel offended:-

1. learn to count under your breath to ten – or one hundred even!
2. If it helps, and you can do it without drawing blood, do ‘bite’ your tongue.
3. Have to hand a genuine compliment you can give each time someone raises your hackles.
4. And, failing all else this is a good maxim for many kinds of discourse……

‘If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothin’ at all’

(Thumper’s mother)

A Psalm To Ponder:

Psalm 51 – THE UTTER MERCY OF GOD

Refrain:        Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.

Take us to yourself, Compassionate God, we who hurt so much in the depths of our being, caught up in the pain of life, and so often inflicting yet more on to others; embrace us with the hands that show still the marks of nails, your love swallowing up all our sin and pride.  So we pray that broken bones may joy, in the dance of Jesus our Redeemer.  AMEN.

(Jim Cotter)