The Wonder of the Cross – 40 Days with the Music of Vicky Beeching
Day 9 – Friday after Lent 1 – Search Me
To Read:
From the Scriptures:
19 O that you would kill the wicked, O God,
and that the bloodthirsty would depart from me –
20 those who speak of you maliciously
and lift themselves up against you for evil!
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
22 I hate them with perfect hatred;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my thoughts.
24 See if there is any wicked way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
(Psalm 139:19-24)
From Vicky Beeching:
Search Me
Search me O God
Search me and find
Any way in me that does not reflect Your purity
Refine me O God
In the fire of Your gaze
That I might be holy in all of my ways
Take me deeper Lord
Draw me closer Lord…
Give me a heart after Your own heart
Give me a mind that is pure and pleasing to You
Fill me with love
With Your power and Your joy
That this world might see You in me
Repeats
I want this world to see
Your love in me (x3)
To Listen:
To Reflect:
Are there any verses of Scripture that you wish just weren’t in the Bible?
My bugbear throughout my journey Homeward has always been Psalm 139. When I was younger this was mostly because it fitted in with the picture I inherited of God as someone who was out to get me. Reading it I felt that I was being relentlessly pursued by the Hound of Heaven[1] and I was the hare being hunted instead of the cherished object of affection. If God’s love is like a dog seeking us out I really hope it is shaped like Snoopy. (See ‘Going Further below)
Eventually I realised that Psalm 139 wasn’t so much about being ‘hunted down’ by God but that there was nowhere I could travel or wander to where God was not already present. Even If I felt lost and far away God was already there to hold me. The Psalm is not about being chased but about being held from before birth into the glory of the life after life
Life is rosy and the Psalmist has got everything figured out. And then I read right through to the final verses of the Psalm…. Eurrgh!
The relationship with our Beloved is all hunky-dory and we are trusting enough, with Vicky’s song today, to open our hearts completely to God, but these verses hit you between the eyes;
19 O that you would kill the wicked, O God,
and that the bloodthirsty would depart from me –
20 those who speak of you maliciously
and lift themselves up against you for evil!
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
22 I hate them with perfect hatred;
I count them my enemies.
It was tempting to ‘cherry pick’ just verses 23-24 for today’ Scripture readings. Let’s forget to mention that these words of anger and hatred before writing about the need to bare our souls before our Beloved shall we? Surely this perfect hatred is not to be the aim of those who willingly offer themselves to the purification of the refiner’s fire?
Down the years the Church has called ‘foul’ on these lapses into the world of ‘an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth’. In older versions of Anglican Prayer books some verses are deemed to be Imprecatory Psalms[2] and they are printed in [brackets] and to be conveniently skipped over during the saying of Daily Office.
All too easily we jump to the presumption that because words are printed in the Bible it is the Word of God. Just a little refection will prove this to not be the case. And in the case of Psalm 139 (and other ‘awkward’ bits about babies heads and boulders!) it is not God who is speaking but the one who has just been the recipient of the great love of God! For those of us, myself included, who learnt our faith in the school of Biblical Literalism we must remember that not all the words in the Word of God are a word from God!
Sadly this offering to hate on God’s behalf in response to the love of God is not restricted to an over zealous hymn writer. Having received God’s love. Having found out that we will be found out by God. And having been found by love, to hate those yet to be found by that same love is something for which we should seek deep repentance.
Search me O God
Search me and find
Any way in me that does not reflect Your purity
Refine me O God
In the fire of Your gaze
That I might be holy in all of my ways
Take me deeper Lord
Draw me closer Lord…..
Our response to God’s great and generous love, even to those who hate us and the God who loves us, must be to love. As have so many faithful servants of our Beloved have shown down the ages even if it has meant having to, as St Francis prayed, ‘Die for love of your love.’
The answer, the only possible antidote to hate is not revenge but love. For only as we love those who hate us and God do we show that we have allowed the love of God to pierce our hearts and conquer our selfishness.
To Pray:
We are the mediocre,
we are the half givers,
we are the half lovers,
we are the savourless salt.
Lord Jesus Christ,
restore us now,
to the primal splendour of first love.
To the austere light of the breaking day.
Let us hunger and thirst,
let us burn in the flame.
Break the hard crust of complacency.
Quicken in us
the sharp grace of desire.
(Caryll Houselander – The Flowering Tree)
To Do:
A series of steps that may take some time;
Do a kindness for someone who is dismissive of people of faith.
Do a kindness for someone who is of a different faith to you.
Do a kindness for someone who is of a different denomination to you.
Do a kindness for someone who is in the same denomination as you but holds
an opinion with which you disagree.
(and perhaps the most difficult)
Do a kindness for someone in your own congregation who dislikes you or you dislike them.
Going Further….
Two of the earliest books that influenced my Christian journey were The Gospel According to Peanutsand The Parables of Peanuts. If you can find a copy have a look through them.
oooOOOooo
If you would like to find out more about Vicky and her work here is a link to her Wikipedia entry. For a fuller picture her autobiography ‘Undivided’ is highly recommended
Please Note: These reflections are also published on my blog: suffolkvicarhomes.com on Bluesky as @suffolkvicar.bsky.social, and on my public Facebook page Suffolk Vicar – Rev Andrew Dotchin.
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Acknowledgements:
These Reflections, ‘The Wonder of the Cross – 40 Days with the Music of Vicky Beaching’ are copyright © Andrew Dotchin 2026 and may be reproduced without charge on condition that their source is acknowledged.
All of the music on the video clips are from YouTube and are © Vicky Beeching.
If you enjoy listening to her songs please consider buying her recordings. A full discography and other information about Vicky can be found on her website vickybeeching.com.
Scripture quotations are from The New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Prayers are from A Diary of Prayer compiled by Elizabeth Goudge and are copyright © 1966 The Estate of Elizabeth Goudge.
[1] For a description of this poem read: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hound_of_Heaven
[2] For a list of Imprecatory Psalms and other ‘not nice passages of Scripture see: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imprecatory_Psalms
Suffolk Vicar 