It’s Not About Sex – a poem for Pride
Tonight ( 8 June 2026) I had the privilege of reading my own words at a poetry slam for Suffolk Pride.
These words go right back to the beginning of my ordained ministry over 40 years ago. When I was in my diaconal year my Training Incumbent took me to visit the Gay Christian Community in Hillbrow, the Red-Light district of Johannesburg. I had always tried to be inclusive and welcoming but had a mental block when it came to physical intimacy amongst Lesbian and Gay people.
Two things changed this:
One was a growing realisation that there was nothing Lesbian and Gay people did in their bedrooms that Straight people didn’t do. So why should one been seen as OK and the other as deserving condemnation?
The second was a conversation with the Community’s founder Professor Hume Maxwell who came up to me and said, ‘Andrew, always remember it’s not about sex.’
Over the years of ministry I have heard his words again and again as I have married people who couldn’t have sex because they were HIV+, or because they were physical unable, or because their bodies were just worn out by the years. Some had an aversion to physical intimacy or did not feel ‘sex’ was part of their call to be married. This did not hinder them from having loving and intimate relationships. Love and marriage is definitely not about sex.
Ever since spending time with Hume and the Community he shepherded in Johannesburg, my life and the ministry has been blessed and enriched by LGBTQIA+ friends and fellow pilgrims. This has been a deep privilege and I thank God for them.
We have wept together, laughed together, marched and protested together but have never given up on the hope given to us by The One Who Loves us Best who is indeed the One who put the colours in the rainbow.
This poem is for these very very precious friends
Thank you 🏳️🌈💝🏳️⚧️
It’s Not About Sex
It’s not about sex
Said the old plastic surgeon
to the bright brand-new vicar
It’s about caring and lovin’
Who would’ve thought
That a vicar couldn’t see
That loving unconditionally
Was all it was meant to be?
No need for prying
about which ‘bit’ fits where.
But only expecting
faithful and loving care.
In the end, or was it his beginning?
the vicar could see,
no matter what lovers did with their bodies ,
(even if nothing at all)
love blooms the best in faithful intimacy.
So throw off your questions
about what goes with what,
and rejoice that lovers are loving
– Though some like it ‘hot’.
It’s not about bodies
or even about gender.
It’s all about loving
and making life better.
© Andrew Dotchin – June 2026
Suffolk Vicar 